Conveniently forgetting anything and everything I know, I need to re-lose weight--again! I don't know the amount as I haven't stepped on the scale. There's no need to as I can feel it in my clothes. I can not eat: cookies, fudge, second helpings, fried hash browns, everything cooked in butter, wine, beer, pizza, minimal amounts of veggies, chips, truffles, and let's not forget all that salami and not pay a price. OK I'm going to go weigh myself as I need to see it in black and white.
It was almost bearable at 1.5 lbs, my sister then informed me her scale weighs "light," traditionally, 2 lbs light. Therefore, I am up 3.5 lbs. Gotta go walk to Cuba! Perhaps kicking myself in the ass the whole way will burn extra calories??
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Salami
I am powerless over salami and my life is unmanageable. As a "treat" I decided to allow myself a salami sandwich. I made it on rye bread, with mustard, provolone and sliced dill pickles. It was delicious. I tried to eat it consciously and slowly. I was disappointed when it was gone. I learned a few things on the 1258 mile drive:
1. driving is boring
2. riding is even more boring
3. if you aren't the driver you are likely to snack out of boredom.
Upon arriving at my sister's we proclaimed we were S-T-A-R-V-I-N-G. My brother-in-law busted out some snacks. I began to devour the sliced Italian sausage as if I hadn't eaten in months. I couldn't stop myself. I switched to carrots but I still hear the sausage calling me from the fridge. Not listening! Not listening! Not listening!
1. driving is boring
2. riding is even more boring
3. if you aren't the driver you are likely to snack out of boredom.
Upon arriving at my sister's we proclaimed we were S-T-A-R-V-I-N-G. My brother-in-law busted out some snacks. I began to devour the sliced Italian sausage as if I hadn't eaten in months. I couldn't stop myself. I switched to carrots but I still hear the sausage calling me from the fridge. Not listening! Not listening! Not listening!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Mac and Cheese Mystery Solved
After 2 hours of shoveling, Joe asked if I'd seen a box of Mac & Cheese he'd brought down. Sheepishly, I said, "I ate it."
"But you don't eat processed food!" Joe said.
"It was a very stressful week! I started with just a portion, but then I ate the whole box." I replied.
Now I know where the box of Mac & Cheese came from and Joe knows where it went.
Christmas is only days away. I'm not in touch with Christmas this year. I'm not sure if it's related to the house, change in tradition, or ??? Regardless, I'm looking forward to a very low-key holiday.
"But you don't eat processed food!" Joe said.
"It was a very stressful week! I started with just a portion, but then I ate the whole box." I replied.
Now I know where the box of Mac & Cheese came from and Joe knows where it went.
Christmas is only days away. I'm not in touch with Christmas this year. I'm not sure if it's related to the house, change in tradition, or ??? Regardless, I'm looking forward to a very low-key holiday.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Responsibility and Power
Words are powerful. A single word can bring hope, healing, destruction, pain. A number of years ago, I attended a week-long spiritual workshop in Nashville. I was introduced to an activity that I have used for years. I have done this activity in groups and for myself. Each time, I am amazed to see how the meaning of a word unfolds.
I did the activity with my class the other day. I was curious to see what word I would receive. My word was Responsibility. The next day as I made an origami box with a colleague I told her about the word each child put in their paper box. I asked if she'd like a word. Fully believing that each individual gets the word they are meant to have, I offered her the jar with the remaining words. She said she'd take one if I would too. So I chose another word, my second word was Power.
They are what I call heavy words. Responsibility hit me on many levels as did power. I will live with them both and see what meaning they hold for me. I date my words and keep them all. My first word from Gwen White was Understanding. I had the most dramatic reaction to the word. I received the word after six people in my life died over a short period of time. Prayerfully I interpreted the meaning to be: God understood my pain. It brought me tremendous comfort.
Thursday, my first response to Responsibility was the irony of being in the process of buying a home and all of the inherent responsibilities of home ownership. But as I reflect, I think about my students, family, friends, pets and myself. All things to and for which I am responsible.
I am caring for myself better than I ever have before. I am comfortable in my own skin. I no longer wish I was anyone other than the person I am. As I see it, that gives me Power to both be empowered and to empower others.
I did the activity with my class the other day. I was curious to see what word I would receive. My word was Responsibility. The next day as I made an origami box with a colleague I told her about the word each child put in their paper box. I asked if she'd like a word. Fully believing that each individual gets the word they are meant to have, I offered her the jar with the remaining words. She said she'd take one if I would too. So I chose another word, my second word was Power.
They are what I call heavy words. Responsibility hit me on many levels as did power. I will live with them both and see what meaning they hold for me. I date my words and keep them all. My first word from Gwen White was Understanding. I had the most dramatic reaction to the word. I received the word after six people in my life died over a short period of time. Prayerfully I interpreted the meaning to be: God understood my pain. It brought me tremendous comfort.
Thursday, my first response to Responsibility was the irony of being in the process of buying a home and all of the inherent responsibilities of home ownership. But as I reflect, I think about my students, family, friends, pets and myself. All things to and for which I am responsible.
I am caring for myself better than I ever have before. I am comfortable in my own skin. I no longer wish I was anyone other than the person I am. As I see it, that gives me Power to both be empowered and to empower others.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Holding Steady
No gain this week; I can live with that. It was a stressful week and I did some stress eating. Snow storm is on the way and I am thrilled to be leaving it behind and going to the sunny South! No word back from the seller about the inspection issues. Other than that I'm just trying to get through the next 6 hours of the day before vacation insanity. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep a lid on the energy or at least co-exist with it!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Baby It's Cold Outside
Damn! It is cold out! 21 degrees and going to single digits tonight! It's been a week. I'm tired and I just woke up. I can't wait for Yoga at the end of the day. I need some meditative rest. I gave in to stress, cold, fatigue and hunger last night. My car not starting was probably the last straw. Yesterday was a day of highs and lows. New life and lost life. Any one thing I could have handled. Dealing with it all in one day, I didn't make it. Lack of preparation did me in, I didn't have a fallback plan. When I got home I was hungry, tired, sad, frustrated and wanting comfort. I think if I'd had a back-up, I would have been fine, a frozen dinner, leftovers, something. I had planned to eat at the hospital when I went to visit Joe, but no car, no hospital. So I ate a box of mac and cheese (I didn't even know I had one) with hot dog slices in it. I started with a portion and then just ate the whole thing. This morning I have a bit of a carb hangover.
Today is a new day. It too is going to be a stressful one. There are many things drawing on my energy. I opted out of spin this morning. I need to plan and I need to go food shopping. I have a lot to do before I even leave for work. Speaking of which I better get to it!
Today is a new day. It too is going to be a stressful one. There are many things drawing on my energy. I opted out of spin this morning. I need to plan and I need to go food shopping. I have a lot to do before I even leave for work. Speaking of which I better get to it!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
2nd Hurdle Cleared-Onto the 3rd
Nate Berkus was my waking thought this morning. I envisioned winning a contest or having Nate respond to my plea for decorating assistance. The little fantasy went as far as my newly decorated home being featured on the Oprah show. Can you imagine what Nate Berkus could do with my new house? I'm going to start my campaign today. Dear Nate...
Home inspection done, mortgage application waiting for my contract. I am so excited I can barely contain myself! I feel great about the rate, confident with the length for repayment. I was temporarily insane considering a 15-year loan. Could I have done it? Yes. Would I have been able to live my life and enjoy it? Not likely. Is it worth the additional crazy amount of interest? It is what it is. Simply put, it's the price of doing business. As it has been pointed out to me, I can always pay extra and lessen my principal and shorten my repayment time. This is my first home, I need to allow myself an adjustment period.
As we come closer to the close of the year, I am keenly aware of how my life has changed for the better. I started this blog to record my weight-loss and keep myself accountable. I was in a quest for my best-life, which was focused on successful weight-loss. I haven't lost the pounds I'd hoped in the 15 months I've been writing, but I am amazed by what I've gained in terms of quality of life.
I hit my 10% goal yesterday on the scale at the new gym. Of course, it's a different scale and it was 6 am, but I'm hopeful I'll see a loss again this week. It's been a stressful week and one where I haven't taken care of myself. I have skipped meals as opposed to eaten poorly. Not the best of plans but I can survive missing a meal. I don't want to suffer the impact of a fast-food binge. Each evening as I drive the hour home from the hospital, I am tired and hungry. The battle of the drive-thru starts as soon as I leave the hospital. It increases as I get closer to home. I have used my tools and reached out each night to have someone accompany me through the gauntlet. It amazes me how a simple phone call can change my behavior. The other night I had actually pulled into the Taco Bell drive-thru and was able to tell the person and just pass on by. It is so helpful to talk with good friends who are also in the struggle. Thanks everyone!
The pause, reaching out, planning, and being mindful get me through.
Home inspection done, mortgage application waiting for my contract. I am so excited I can barely contain myself! I feel great about the rate, confident with the length for repayment. I was temporarily insane considering a 15-year loan. Could I have done it? Yes. Would I have been able to live my life and enjoy it? Not likely. Is it worth the additional crazy amount of interest? It is what it is. Simply put, it's the price of doing business. As it has been pointed out to me, I can always pay extra and lessen my principal and shorten my repayment time. This is my first home, I need to allow myself an adjustment period.
As we come closer to the close of the year, I am keenly aware of how my life has changed for the better. I started this blog to record my weight-loss and keep myself accountable. I was in a quest for my best-life, which was focused on successful weight-loss. I haven't lost the pounds I'd hoped in the 15 months I've been writing, but I am amazed by what I've gained in terms of quality of life.
I hit my 10% goal yesterday on the scale at the new gym. Of course, it's a different scale and it was 6 am, but I'm hopeful I'll see a loss again this week. It's been a stressful week and one where I haven't taken care of myself. I have skipped meals as opposed to eaten poorly. Not the best of plans but I can survive missing a meal. I don't want to suffer the impact of a fast-food binge. Each evening as I drive the hour home from the hospital, I am tired and hungry. The battle of the drive-thru starts as soon as I leave the hospital. It increases as I get closer to home. I have used my tools and reached out each night to have someone accompany me through the gauntlet. It amazes me how a simple phone call can change my behavior. The other night I had actually pulled into the Taco Bell drive-thru and was able to tell the person and just pass on by. It is so helpful to talk with good friends who are also in the struggle. Thanks everyone!
The pause, reaching out, planning, and being mindful get me through.
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